These Words shared by My Parent Which Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was merely just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

However the truth quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good place. You require some help. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, less is said about the struggles new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a wider reluctance to open up between men, who often absorb negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to request a respite - spending a few days away, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to change how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he says. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."